I have returned! Sorry my absence was so long. It certainly was longer than I meant it to be. My beautiful baby girl was actually born 7 days after my last post. She has been a lesson that nothing I do will ever go as planned ever again. My in-laws came up from SC the weekend before she was born for a wedding. They had only been home for, I think, 10 hours when I went into labor two weeks early and they had to turn around and come right back. I was in labor (trying to do natural birth) for 9 hours when I had to have an emergency c-section because my cervix stalled at 4cm and refused to dilate any farther. That was definitely not my plan.
I wanted a natural birth and I got a c-section instead but I got a beautiful healthy baby out of the deal so I’m happy. The delivery was a piece of cake; I couldn’t feel a thing. Recovery was the killer. I couldn’t move without pain and I was force to sleep on my back (I never sleep on my back) for almost two weeks before I could roll over without feeling like I was going to pop stitches. I had great family taking care of me the first three weeks. For an independent person such as myself being laid up that long was…frustrating. I wanted to breast feed and that didn’t go as planned either.
The big trick to succeeding in life is the ability to roll with change. I don’t seem to do that well. I got down on myself pretty hard because of how nothing was going to plan. What I had to be reminded of was the end goal. I had a beautiful healthy daughter who is now (after much work) getting almost all breast milk instead of mostly formula even if I have to pump it because she decided she liked the bottle better. Loss of job, loss of sleep, loss of sanity. They say having kids changes everything and I knew it would. I just had no idea how much everything would change.
I am losing my mind with home concerns but I have never been happier. I was born to be a mommy. I have to keep believing that God gave me a child so He will help me be what she needs. When she smiles, it is like the sun rising. Suddenly it doesn’t matter that I wasn’t able to sleep more than two consecutive hours at a time for two months. Watching her sleeping in my arms made me forget how much she screamed and hated diaper changes. My life will never be the same but I wouldn’t want it to be. Still unemployed, to my husband’s dismay, I told him being a mommy was by far the worst paying job I have ever held but absolutely the most rewarding. I know God has a good plan for our lives. If I can find a way to get the bills paid and stay home with my daughter that would be ideal. I have an idea! How about I actually use my writing degree? Novel concept, I know.
I will endeavor to be more consistent in my blogging along with other writing projects. While I figure this all out and mostly make stuff up as I go along I hope you will once again join me for the journey. Keep life in perspective, roll with change, and be encouraged.