“It wouldn’t be a leap of faith if it didn’t feel a bit like falling.” I like quotes and songs. They are a concise way of communicating. This quote sums up how I feel about change. Change makes me anxious whether it is good or bad. I know God has a good plan and purpose for my life, a plan to prosper me and not to harm me. Now if I could get my head and heart to agree on this I’d be golden. Instead, I feel like a Slinky going down the stairs.
I knew this year was destined for greatness from the beginning. We have two huge changes in the works right now. There is a good possibility that we might put an offer down on our first house this weekend necessitated by the baby we are expecting this summer. Like I said, two huge, wonderful changes and I am thrilled and freaking out at the same time. I have high and low points in rapid succession like a Slinky going down stairs. I don’t do one emotion at a time; that would be boring. Nevermind that, that is probably well beyond my ability to control, much as I’d like to.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Heb. 11:1 NIV). Just like I believe air exists even though I can’t see it and that I need air to breathe, I believe God gives me breath and does it for a reason. Do I get a PE credit for exercising my faith? Come on, somebody work with me here. I swear going to the gym would be easier. Part of me is stuck in the mentality of how-is-this-ever-going-to-work-out and part of me knows that a lot has changed over the years and life while still crazy and unpredictable is a lot more promising than it used to be. If you’d asked me as a child what my life plan was I would have told you: go to college, graduate, and get married. Even in college I somehow never made it past that stage of planning. Maybe because I didn’t know what came next, maybe because I didn’t know what I wanted, or maybe because I thought what I did want was out of reach.
Everyday I’m above ground is a good day or at least a good start. Every breath is a gift and some days it feels like every breath is a leap of faith all on its own. When I chose to follow Christ I wasn’t told that everything was going to be all puppies and roses. So why bother? Why make the effort? I was told, more or less, that life was going to happen, things would change and get messy and at times get ugly but that no matter what happened I’d have something and someone to hold on to and that God would be holding me even if it didn’t feel like it. I’ve had my share of stretching moments where things have gotten ugly and God and I have had words but He has always brought me through it. I feel my leaps of faith are justified. Some days they make me feel like a Slinky going down stairs but some days it feels like flying. Here’s hoping that made sense to somebody. Enjoy the ride.