What does being an adult mean? I’m pretty sure it means taking the extra effort to work two jobs even though you hate one so much you fantasize about quitting. But honestly, it isn’t that bad. Sure it could be better but I can acknowledge that they are working with me and making exceptions to keep me. Sometimes we have to put up and shut up because even as bad as it seems it is driving us where we want to go. Life takes hard work and sacrifice and it is rarely fair but I can enjoy it when I’m thrown a bone. Dave Ramsey says, “Live like no one else Now so later you can live like no one else.” One day I will look back at years of toil and mistakes and say, it was worth it. Hard work now will give us a chance for a better life later and a chance to teach our daughter what it’s rewards are.
How can my daughter be so little and so big at the same time? I watch her sleep all curled up in her crib still small enough to fit sideways. But then I think about how much she can say and do. How do I let her grow and flourish when I wish she could stay little like this longer?
I constantly fight off panic as a parent. Nothing good ever comes of panic. She’s innocent and helpless. The choices I make can affect her. My mistakes can affect her even though she had nothing to do with them. Little things can spiral out of control. But while my fears may be legitimate I can’t be ruled by them.
We are human. We make mistakes. Mistakes don’t make us bad people but we need to own them not try to hide them. That is where things get messy. Our children can learn from our mistakes and hopefully avoid them or they can feel inferior to parents busy hiding their flaws.
I’m a people pleaser. I worry to much about what people think. Every mistake I make feels like failure. But I can’t let it define me. Let it go. Learn from it. And hope for the best. God has a good plan for my life and a few mistakes won’t stop him. He knows I’m flawed. I’m sure he prepared for it.
I know I’m going on and on about mistakes. I tend to get stuck in a loop of past actions. I over analyze making minor things into major ones. But I will leave you with one more thought. When we get sick it’s because our immune system failed. However, many illnesses you can only catch once because the body compensates. Antibodies strengthen the body against the failure so you won’t get sick again. I like to treat mistakes this way. Yeah, I fail from time to time but it makes me more vigilant and more compassionate. It makes me a better person and hopefully a better parent. God help me.