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Why is it so difficult to love people who are different from us? It is easy to say we love them, even believe we do, but loving them well enough to change their lives is daunting. We spend so much energy focusing on how to change them, fix them, that we miss what they really need. To be loved for who they are. Now I know I’m no expert in loving people the right way all the time. I have a list of people I’d love to fix when I should just love them.
I have to be in control. That is what my core programming says. I have to fix everything and everyone and if I can’t, I’m a failure. The problem, of course, is reality.
I can’t change people.
And, oh, does that drive me up the wall and across the ceiling. God is the creator. He made people and he’s the only one who can change them. On top of that, the person had to agree to change. We spend so much energy focusing on how to fix the ones we care about that we make them feel broken, isolated, alienated. Oops.
We ignore the ones who are doing well, who fit our mold. Then they start acting out, angering us just to get our attention. Society has created a system where the squeaky wheel gets the grease while functioning parts fall into disrepair.
I digress. Step one is the hardest to get past. How to love people well enough to bring to their attention the dangerous, wrong behaviors we see. How can I love them without making them feel damaged or judged while not turning a blind eye entirely? Where is the line? I Need a process chart or timeline. How about a walk through? I’d settle for cheat codes. But we don’t get any of that. We are the cheat codes and walk throughs. We go through rough experiences so it builds compassion and strength of character in us. These are the tools for loving people like God wants us to.
Can someone please bumble through this with me so I’m not the only idiot trying to love someone backwards? In a world where we need to build up reasons to be loved I found someone who loves me for no reason and everyday I try to give him at least one. If we can do that for others how much better would the world be?
Love someone for no reason today, expect nothing back even if you feel like an idiot. You may just change the world.