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Why is it the people we love the most cause the most pain? I have always believed my brother Joe understands me like no one else but what if he doesn’t really? What if he’s just an excellent liar who knows what to say to make me feel understood?

I’ve always said that was second best but is it? Haven’t I told Mike that a hundred times? If you don’t understand can you just lie and pretend like you do? But now that I think that it’s the case with Joe, I feel cheated….it makes more sense but I still feel cheated. I never could reconcile how he could understand me so well and miss how much of a problem his drinking is to me and himself.

Now we’re back to square one. I’m not sure how to feel. Standard. I swear my emotions are like a box of theater candy that melted. Everything is mixed and melded. Indistinguishable. He was the only person who never made me feel damage but now I’m not even sure if it was truth or a lie or if it should matter.

I guess that’s the million dollar question: Should it matter?

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