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The past two months have been difficult for me, especially the last week or so. We’re moving unstoppably into the holiday season and as things get crazier I wear thinner. I’m tired and my emotions are less in check than normal. I’m a highly emotional person to begin with and I get so frustrated when I dread the holidays that should lift my spirits and bring me closer to God, friends, and family.
I need to work on stapling my feet into today, taking life one day at a time. I keep trying to look ahead to see an end, to find relief, but it’s too far ahead and all I can see is the distance and the struggle. I need to just do what I normally do when I walk: watch my feet. One step at a time, one day at a time. It’s exhausting to think about how much is left to accomplish. I feel like I was asleep all last week. I’m not comatose yet but if I don’t change something, I’m heading there.
I can’t let myself get too tired to spend time with God. He is my recharge. It’s like when you’re too tired to sleep. Being highly emotional I need to surround myself with positive people to counteract the negative. That is one of the reasons I go to church regularly. My church is like a family. Our philosophy is that we don’t judge because God loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way. It comforts me that I know my church family will accept me as a hot mess just like my biological family but they won’t let me wallow in it.
Someone told me last week, “Trust God and your heart will catch up.” I like that. I can’t let myself get so caught up and tired that I can’t pull myself out of my pity party. It’s too easy to stay there. I feel like I’m rambling again so I’ll wrap up. If you feel like you’re burning out take a breath, trust God for the strength to get through it, and take it one day at a time. Feel free to call me out of you see me doing otherwise. Be blessed.