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I want to talk about sex. I’m bound to offend someone but I’ve learned I can’t please everyone so feel free to disagree with me if you must. All I want is to engage in a dialog on a prevalent social culture…and maybe vent a little. My intention is not to be rude or a prude but to express questions and frustrations so please bear with me.
I don’t read tabloids or follow entertainment news but when I get bored at work I read the latest headlines. The big breaking news in entertainment: the bachelor isn’t having sex until marriage. How is this news you might ask? Easy, our culture doesn’t bother with self control anymore so someone waiting for gratification instead of going for instant gratification is practically unheard of. It seems like you can’t read a magazine or watch TV without “dating” being synonymous with having sex, usually in the very early stages of the relationship before either party really knows the other.
Sex is meant to bring people together, draw them closer, produce offspring and create a desire to protect said offspring. We live in a culture where children, often as not, come about by accident as a product of satisfying wants without considering the results first. Also children are produced as a sort of magic band-aid for relationships and then are discovered to make bad relationships worse. Is this the child’s fault? No.
Honestly, it makes me upset that waiting to have sex is such a freakishly novel idea because it makes me feel like an oddball for waiting. I’m glad that I did. I truly believe that if I had jumped the gun that there is a high probability that the stress of that connection would have hurt or destroyed my relationship with my now husband. I’m a highly emotional person. Sex releases hormones which mess with emotions. Just because I’m highly emotional doesn’t mean I’m not reasonable though.
Casual sex in uncommitted relationships or outside of relationships period is something I never understood. There is a scientific, physiological connection between sex and emotions. There is no such thing as sex without strings attached. The saying, “a promise is made in any bed” comes to mind. Even if both parties agree that there are no strings attached they can’t shut off their internal wiring.
Sex to me wasn’t a real thing until I met my husband. I had never experienced it so it was just something that I knew I wanted someday like a college education or a car. I liked to read romance novels in high school. They gave me an outlet for my changing hormones and fodder for my imagination. But the idea of having sex with a real live human being was like the idea of hang gliding to me. It sounded cool and had the potential to be fun but it was also scary and I wouldn’t do it with just anyone. I couldn’t imagine letting myself get that close, that vulnerable, to a real person. Not until I met my husband. Once I had deemed him safe and worth the risk I had the most difficult time keeping my self control. It was like a desire had been switched on inside me running current through my body. Even then I was still afraid to be that vulnerable with someone, even the man I loved more than anything.
Personally, I’ve seen too many relationships go south resulting in ugly, messy breakups because of intimate physical relationships. It continues to complicate later relationships especially if a pregnancy is involved. Anthropologically having multiple sexual partners is a healthy way to maintain the species but the problems lies in the fact that we are more than physical beings but emotional and spiritual beings as well. What do you think?