God will never leave us or give up on us no matter what we do or how many times we return to the same bad habits. When we feel separated it’s because we are the ones who have walked away. Maybe we have walked away to spare God the pain of our constant failure. The problem with that is it isn’t fully our decision to make.
It is like a wife leaving her husband because he wants children and she is incapable of conceiving. He doesn’t hold it against her. He never asked her to leave. He doesn’t want her to. He can’t figure out why she is trying so hard to leave him. If they would just talk maybe he would stop asking what he did wrong to make her hate him so much and she would realize that her trying to leave him is hurting him more that her inability to produce the desired children. They still love each other and once both sides realize this they can get back together, stop hurting each other, and move on.
On the contrary, when we walk away from God, not for his supposed benefit but because we want something else, he will still wait for us to come back but the longer we stay away the less we will want to return. We shut him out, stop talking to him. We begin telling ourselves lies to justify the pain we have caused. We poison ourselves against him whom we once loved. He’s still waiting, occasionally calls. We occasionally run into him at the grocery store but we ignore him and try our best to erase the fact that we ever could have made the mistake of loving and trusting him. Then we’ve ruined a beautiful relationship that didn’t have to end and shouldn’t have. He has done nothing wrong but we’ve invented sins for him to justify the conflict in our souls.
Communication is key. Never let something beautiful end because of a lack of communication or lack of perseverance. Return to your first love. Return to open arms.